In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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