I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
