Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Life is so much better after having sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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