Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
