His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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