if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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