I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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