i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
