Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
