it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
