i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
