I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
