bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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