I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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