yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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