i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
