i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
