ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
