you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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