ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
