I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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