Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
