I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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