it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
