the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
