Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
