I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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