sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
