well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
