"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize