What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
