I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just threw up on my dentist
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
