sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
