she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
