i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
