Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
