she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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