I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
