apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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