guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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