Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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