am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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