the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
