"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
