I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
