I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
