and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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