please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize