your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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