not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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