i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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