Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
