two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
