The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
