its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
