she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
