i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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