So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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