I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
