i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize