he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
