Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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