i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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