god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
