U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
