He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
