I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize