I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
