Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
