please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
whose ass print is on the piano?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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