my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
