I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
