I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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