I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
