1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
