Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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