Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize