so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
